My new life

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Have you ever had event in your life that makes you stand up and say; ‘That’s it. I’m changing.’ Or have you ever got yourself into a rut that is so hard to pull yourself out from?

Well, that’s me. On both accounts.

For those who follow me through Facebook, Twitter, or this blog, you’ll know that we have just lost my Mother-in-law to a long illness.

What you don’t realise when you’re in a situation like this (waiting for the phone to ring, three or four trips to town a week – 200km round trip!, or trips away to the doctors) is that you operate on nothing but adrenalin and auto-pilot.

Perhaps you self-medicate with wine or over eating. Perhaps you don’t remember things you’ve been told by your family or kids and maybe your don’t remember what a ‘normal’ life, without unseen pressures, is.

I think I did all of the above.

I made a vow, the Monday after her funeral, I would start my new life.

Self Motivational Quotes Desktop Wallpapers - Yogesh Goel - ygoel.com (8)

I joined Curves (again). I made a promise I would eat much healthier than I have done in the past four year. I would exercise every day and I bought a bike.

After all, I had something to aim for. I turn forty next year and I have a massive book tour coming up for Crimson Dawn. I want to have the energy to go full pelt!

I was sick of the cotton wool feeling in my head and inability to ‘pick myself up and keep going’.

That Monday came, I wasn’t ready to start. I didn’t keep my appointment at Curves – I went marking lambs instead. I didn’t want to go walking or drink less wine or not eat the creamy yabby pasta I had just made (my craving for carbs during this time has been incredible.)

But last Friday I started. And here, on Monday, so far I’ve managed to keep my plan. I’m sure I’ll fall by the wayside many times during this next six months. Hopefully I’ll have enough will power to pick myself up again and get back on the horse.

Hopefully my days of incredible numbness will pass more quickly with a bit of exercise and music involved. And maybe, just maybe, my writing might have a little more ‘perk’ in it – it’s very easy to let ‘real life’ impact on writing.

My husband might actually like the fact I can remember he’s told me what is happening on the farm and that I turn up in the ‘right’ paddock for lamb marking, not the wrong farm and paddock, like I did once or twice during this last few months!

All in all, I’m looking forward to a positive life. A new life, one that exists for my family and friends, with time for me.

Self Motivational Quotes Desktop Wallpapers - Yogesh Goel - ygoel.com (6)

So, it’s time to take a deep breath and do what I’ve just confessed to you all I’m going to. Yes, I’m me and I’m hoping to be more content with myself very soon!

Have you ever felt like this? Or do have tips on how to keep motivated? If you do, please share them – I may need them soon!

 

 

 

Comments 8

  1. Hey Fleur, I love this. So many of us can relate to your story. I lost my mum in a car accident and it took me a VERY long time to pick myself up. That was 10 years ago, and sometimes I am not sure if I have picked myself up!! I have since completely changed my lifestyle, trying to reduce the stress’s etc. my main out let is my art and am now selling my paintings, this gives me such a boost. So good luck with you new you! xx

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  2. Hello Fleur,
    Sorry, I have no suggestions as I have exactly the same problem. Maybe just talking about it to anotherer person gives help. Good luck with your path, the hurt will go away with time , I have been there too.
    Coral

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    Hi Coral, oh, I feel for you. I hope that somewhere you are able to make the changes you feel you need to make. Let me know. Fleur

  4. DEAR FLEUR, LIFE IS THE GIFT THAT YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO GIVE. GRIEF, IS EXPRESSION OF MISSING A LOST ONE.. BUT..BUT…. BUT PLEASE, TAKE CARE THAT YOU ARE NOT DRAGGED INTO THE DEATH AND LET YOUR CREATIVE AND GIFTED TALENT DIE AS WELL..

    I THINK WE ALL HANDLE ILLNESS, AND DEATH IN DIFFERENT WAYS. I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT I WAS A TOUGH COOKIE, GROWING UP IN A FAMILY OF SIX, IN THE 50’s….
    When my MOTHER IN LAW HAD A HIP REPLACEMENT, AND STARTED NEEDING A LOT OF HELP, I REALIZED THAT YES..WE ALL WILL GET OLD AND SOMETIMES VERY ILL, AND THEN DIE….

    I wondered if i could cope, it was a depressing time and negative vibes were felt, in my trying to cope with a woman who was in pain and feeling very low and negative towards her own family.
    BECOMING VERY STUBBORN AND DIFFICULT..

    I DECIDED THAT I WOULD PRAY AND DO MY BEST….

    SO THIS VERY DELICATE GIFT CALLED LIFE..MUST BE USED IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY AND WITH PRAYER AND MEDITATION AND PATIENCE AND A LOT OF FAITH THAT ALL WILL BE WELL, LIFE GOES ON AND THROUGH GOOD DAYS and BAD WE MUST REMAIN WITH SOME POSITIVE LIGHT, TO GET US THROUGH… My mother in law is 90 now and wow, it is a challange and you really appreciate what health you have..
    FINALLY AFTER MANY FALLS HAS BEEN ADMITTED INTO A NURSING HOME..

    Watching her with DEMENTIA, from parkinsons was an eye opener… we must cease the day, and remember to tell those we love and care about how important they are.. for one day our health may claim our very MIND…
    THE TRUTH ABOUT OLD AGE, HAS MADE ME REALIZE THAT QUALITY WILL ALWAYS BE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME PERSONALLY THAN GETTING TO 100, and not being well in mind and health… SO every day with a good heart and mind, must be celebrated , YES we may GRIEVE but never waste the LIVING DAYS, .. LET HOPE, FAITH, LOVE BECOME YOUR DAILY MANTRA… and CELEBRATE JOY OF LIVING AND FAMILY TIME….For no one wants another to waste their life over their own death…. GRIEVING AND BECOMING NEGATIVE FOR TOO LONG….LIVE and REMEMER..TAKE CARE TO BE HAPPY and PASSIONATE about LIVING… Thankyou……REMEMBER USING YOUR GOD GIVEN TALENT IS YOUR WHOLE PURPOSE ON LIVING ON THIS PLANET..OUR HOME EARTH… SHARING. CARING AND HELPING EACH OTHER TO DO OUR BEST AT LIVING IN THE WAY GOD HAS PLANNED FOR US…AMEN…

  5. Life can be very cruel, Fleur. Give yourself time to heal and try not to push yourself too hard. I cope by reminding myself there are people much worse off than myself. A healthier you is good start. Good luck with the new *you* 🙂

  6. Hello Fleur
    Coping with grief is such a personal thing. My mother died after a long illness; you think all the grieving has been done and that death will be a relief. What a surprise when you realise your grieving is just starting. I have a theory that the first year is the worst; the year of “firsts” the first birthdays, Christmas, Easter, celebrated without your loved one. Then you are finally into the second year and the angst on these days isn’t so great. It’s not that you ever forget, it’s just the hurt gets a little less and you remember the good times. Kind thoughts for your journey Fleur.

  7. Pingback: Beaching it | Fleur McDonald

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